You can't please everyone...unless you do it their way

How many times have you worked on a project, created something that took so much of your sweat and tears, only to have someone say "that was good but you should do it this way". Or worse yet, "here's what you did wrong....". It seems as though this has been happening a lot lately, as many of the folks I follow have talked about these slings at their craft. It has happened to me as well, and it is not fun. Like we discussed last time, those little demons in your head are already screaming-now your failure is validated. What now?

The first step is to examine where the criticism is coming from. Is it from the "cheap seats" or is it someone who is truly looking to help you improve? Chances are a harsh critic is someone who is not part of your tight circle or even involved in the same field. They are just looking to share what makes them comfortable but in doing so, the comments are not exposing their vulnerability but rather making a jab at yours.

Someone in your corner will always approach criticism constructively. It's what my old Human Resources director called "the sandwich method". You start with something positive, share the areas of improvement in a non-confrontational way and end with something positive. Someone who is speaking in front of a large group but speaking very fast will not be able to truly deliver the power of their message if no one can understand. If you are asked for feedback, you might say "I could never speak in front of a group - I would be so nervous and probably speak very fast. I sensed you may have been a bit nervous at times. I give you credit for doing it" sounds a lot nicer than "wow you talked really fast it was impossible to understand".

I recall being PTO president and working tirelessly to put events together for the school only to have a small group of parents constantly find fault at every meeting. Finally, one night I had no patience and said "would you like to take over because you seem to have all the answers". Of course no one moved. Did I handle the situation in the best way? Probably not. I should have had a conversation privately and asked for true feedback. I do not know if it would have made a difference in the relationship, but it would have been a neater way to address the situation. Was there value in those comments? A bit, those folks also were not considering all the variables but rather just stating their opinion.

At the end of the day, you have to remember the only thing that defines you is what's inside YOU. You can't allow other people to decide who you are. Face each challenge/decision with authenticity, humility and honesty. Listen and discern, then move forward. The same applies when supporting others, deliver your statement from a place of authenticity and support. These are the tools you need to live like.....